1. But for real tho, we won tonight (at trivia) and the woman on the third place team came up to chat with us afterwards. I’ve noticed her for months now. I’ve made comments to my teammates that she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes upon.

    I’ve been feeling good about myself. A woman kind of, sort of, maybe approached me.

    Is confidence really that visible and attractive?

  2. Officially, finally, was introduced to a 5th year, PhD, Classics, student on another team at trivia tonight. Philology. Is that a real thing?

  3. The ego boost was nice

  4. Charlotte (Conclusion)

    Once back at the house Danny is still up, luckily. He is very drunk. At two-forty in the morning we take his two dogs for a walk around the neighborhood at three in the morning. We talk a little bit along the way. Back at the house I chugged a glass of water and went to bed.

    I woke up the next morning, cleaned up, got ready packed, said my goodbyes and got on the road. This time I didn’t take the interstate. On the other side of Charlotte I got onto NC-27 and onto two lane highways. This is the kind of driving I love- in the country, windy roads that go into and out of small towns. I let my GPS guide me. My mind wanders.

    For the first time that I can remember, I didn’t go back and rewind everything I did the night before. Well, I did, but I didn’t ask myself “what if” questions over and over. What had happened, had happened. What had not happened, did not happen.

    I got home, unpacked, started laundry and laid down. I texted her Sunday evening. I thanked her for the fun night. She responded a few minutes later that it had indeed been fun.

    I may text her tonight. Maybe I am getting better at this. Maybe playing games shields people from what they fear. That’s not me. I’m not good at games. I’m just going to be honest and open. That policy doesn’t offer any shortcuts but it does let me rest easier.

  5. Charlotte (Part Two)

    Danny, myself, and one of his friends catch a ride to a bar in downtown Charlotte.

    This is a mixed crowd- race, age and classes. The music was not as diverse. There was some country, some classic rock and a little more modern rock. My friend Danny sang “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand. Two of the people we were there with went back to back. One did a Miranda Lambert song and her husband sang a rowdy rendition of “Peaches” by ‘90s alt-rockers, The Presidents of the United States of America.

    When it was my turn I chose a song different than what I initially thought I wanted to sing. This was a lively bar. Nobody was moping. People are there having fun. What gives me the right to ruin that by singing a sad song? Fuck that. I did Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison. People love that song. The people there love that song. How can you not enjoy a song with the lyric, “Never trust a girl with a big butt and a smile”? My singing wasn’t that bad. I was more impressed that I remembered the twenty four year old rap verses.

    People applauded. I received high fives. I was feeling good. I went to the bar to get another beer. The woman who was up after me left her purse on a stool. Two guys were standing next to it and were eying it up. I got the attention of a bartender and he hid it behind the bar.

    When she came back and looked for her purse I told her what happened. We thanked me. We started talking. She’s blonde, big hair, tall, a little older than me, wearing a very short skirt, nice legs, big tits, originally from New York. Heidi.

    “You’re a real nice guy, aren’t you?”

    I jokingly reply, “Eh, I try to not to be. I gotta keep that in check.”

    She slapped my shoulder. “No seriously, you’re a genuinely nice guy. I can read you. It’s clear as day to me. I can see your aura.”

    I have a minor buzz going but I kind of stand up and back up a little at that.

    “You’re dark and you don’t believe in yourself. You need to cut that out. You lay it all on the line when it comes to love. You put it all out there. You’re too hard on yourself.”

    Maybe she’s just reading my body language? Maybe she’s on drugs? Maybe she actually can see my aura? I am bad at reading people but this woman believes in every word of what she is saying. I want to stay. I want to hear more. Plus she is attractive. I confirm all of her observations to her. I admit that I’m not good at meeting women.

    “Do you know why? They aren’t for you. At least most of them. You’re better than that.”

    I’m stunned. A few minutes later her girlfriend approaches her and she excuses herself.

    I walk over to where my group is. I get quickly debriefed by a bunch of drunk dudes. A few minutes later she’s back, alone. Her friends have ditched her here. I suggest she hang out with me. She likes that idea.

    She’s a professional visual artist. She’s in the process of getting divorced. She has kids. I tell her that she’s beautiful. She says that I’m beautiful, but more so on the inside.

    “You’re a gorgeous man. You don’t even know how good you are.”

    At this time Danny and I get called up to do another song. She wants to watch. Danny and I chose another fun song. Warren G and Nate Dogg’s “Regulate”. Danny wanted to rap so he gets Warren G’s parts. I have a lower singing voice so I’m doing Nate Dogg’s parts. We kill it. People are paying attention. Dudes are high fiving me while I’m on stage. People are singing along. When I get to the lyric “The next stop is the…” dozens of people shout along the last two words of that line, “Eastsiiiiiide Motellllll”.

    Triumphantly we leave the stage to applause. I approach her and ask if she’d like a drink. She does. We’re sitting at the bar talking, she’s touching me. Her hand is grabbing my thigh. I can’t hear well in noisy environments, so when she’s talking I’m turning my head so I can hear her. When I do that she pulls her skirt up a little higher. Damn. She does have pretty legs. Sitting against me, she’s pressing her breasts into my chest. We talk about the roles people play in relationships. She stands up and backs into me. More specifically, she’s putting her butt right where my hands are.

    “I’ve never been in this bar before. I’m here the one night you’re here. I was put here to meet you tonight. You were supposed to hear this tonight. I’ve never been more sure of anything before.”

    “LAST CALL!!!” The bartender announces.

    She asks me if I want to go somewhere and grab a drink. Danny is sitting at a table by the exit. I tell him I’ll catch him later as we walk out. She’s leading the way… right into the bar next door.

    Sigh. That’s right. She’s from New York. It’s now two the morning. She doesn’t know that bars don’t keep serving here. She legitimately wanted to get a drink with me. I thought she was taking me home.

    I get a hug, a kiss on the cheek, her number and a promise of future communications. I get in a taxi and go back to Danny’s house.

  6. Charlotte (Part One)

    I need more weekends like that.

    I was invited to Charlotte to spend a weekend with my friend and former roommate Danny. I lived with him at Dave’s house on Brookside Drive back when he was in grad school getting his MBA. He’s since moved to Charlotte, got married, bought a house, and got two dogs. Unlike my friend Robert, Danny already was middle class. I’m glad to see he’s made it there with little struggle.

    Friday I left work an hour early, came home, packed up and got onto the road. Two and a half hours later via I-40, I-85, I-77 and I-485 I was in Charlotte and found my way to Danny and Lauren’s house. I hate driving at night. I hate driving in traffic. I hate driving in construction. I hate driving in areas I don’t know. This was a perfect storm of a stressful drive but I made it. That night it was pretty low key. We smoked cigars, talked and drank bourbon. Danny and I drank about 80% of a fifth. Yes, we got pretty darn drunk. His dogs love me.

    He had me tell his wife the story about what almost happened between Sam and I. Danny had a brilliant bit of insight. He told me that I had an opportunity, but since I’m not a scumbag I did the right thing. (By not hooking up with her the night we did karaoke, a week after she had broken up with Dave.) If my only opportunity with her would have required me being a scumbag, then I’m better off. He was right.

    The next day we got some Bojangles and watched college football in the early afternoon. The three of us then went to one of his friends’ house for a “party”. Pretty much everyone else is married and most of these couples have kids. There’s food and lots of good conversation. These friends were mostly in the same fraternity as Danny was back in college. As such, they all knew my ex-roommate Dave. Stories and jokes at Dave and Will’s expense were made. I was reminded how much better my life has been without those two assholes in it.

    We drove back to Danny and Lauren’s house. We scheduled getting a ride from one of his friends to go to a basement, dive, karaoke bar closer to Charlotte’s downtown. Most of his friends from the party earlier are there and drinking. This is where the weekend gets interesting…

  7. I ask for dating and general advice about women because I do not know what I am doing. Clearly.

    It’s been six years since my last hook up. I’ve improved myself significantly over the past two years, but it obviously hasn’t been enough.

    I’ve lost 100 pounds from my worst. I’m a much better person than I was. I’m not as bitter, angry or jealous as I had been. I’m much less sexist. I’m kinder. I’m better now damnit!

    Either I’m still a monster and don’t realize it, or women just aren’t interested in me in that way.

    I love music. I love conversation. I like to drink. If I was with someone, if I was happier- I wouldn’t drink so much. I had to stop smoking weed because of the crazy thoughts I had. I didn’t have those thoughts when I smoked when I was happy.

    The bars I go to on the weekend have the best DJs or jukeboxes in town. I sit at the bar, drink until I’m drunk, and enjoy the music. I rarely ever talk to any women doing this. I wait, hoping a lone woman sits next to me. I’ll try to talk to her. It just doesn’t work that way for me.

    I’m a big, physically intimidating, intense, emotional, overly serious, frustrated, worried, lonely, overtly single, man. It shows. It must. It must not be an attractive look.

    A vast percentage of the women I’ve dated or tried to date I’ve met online. I got to know them first. My best attribute, conversations, work well on that medium.

    That game had changed. Now, pictures matter more than ever. I am not photogenic. I am fat still, but I am not ugly. My photos are.

    My confidence is still in the gutter. I play bar trivia a few times a week because I’m good at it. Winning SOMETHING once every few weeks feels food.

    I’m not meeting any single women that are interested in me at this though.

    This isn’t working. Help. Please.

  8. Names of cities in Michigan placed over the map of North Carolina. I had to get it.

    Names of cities in Michigan placed over the map of North Carolina. I had to get it.

  9. I was feeling pretty good last week. I felt pretty bad this weekend. I was comforted by knowing that those bad feelings were just temporary. They would end. They did end.

    After work on Friday I’m driving 150 miles (240km) to Charlotte. Danny, one of the friends I’ve made since I moved to this state, invited me over for the weekend. Friday night will involve scotch whiskey, cigars and a hot tub. Saturday night will involve a big party at a karaoke bar. There will be a bunch of married couples. I’m not going to worry or dread anything. I’m just having fun.

  10. fuckyeahfeminists:



    Why I love Miss Grotke

    Images 1, 7, 8: She’s a feminist

    Image 5: Notice how she’s talking about endangered species and on the wall, there is a poster of Earth Day

    Images 2, 3, 4, 6: history teachers aren’t supposed to give their opinion they’re just supposed to teach what’s in the books, but she doesn’t care and makes sure her students know it

    She’s a black feminist

    I knew there were many reasons why I loved watching ‘Recess.’ this is too awesome.

    When you realize that emptythoughts was a character on a Disney cartoon

  11. This is a big step for me. Thank you for listening/reading. I am drunk, depressed, lonely and feeling horrible.

    Y’all know what I want above anything else.

    A pretty woman. Lay down next to me. Rub my back. Calm me down.

  12. I am smart, funny and not a sexual/physical threat to a woman’s safety.

    Shit. That’s not enough. That’s not remotely close to being enough.

    Jesus Christ. Jesus.

  13. I’m not rich. I’m not sexually attractive. Holy shit. Why have I been worrying about other stuff? This is what I need to fix

  14. Love is capitalism. I need to accept this. What do I have to offer?

  15. I went against what I knew I should do. I went out tonight. I got drunk. I spent over $60 in the process. The only words I said to women tonight were, “Ooops, sorry” when I bumped into them and and “Oh, sorry” when they bumped into me.

    I gotta stop doing this.